TIPS FOR YOUR PUBLIC

No.  This is still not the post about the Chernobyl level of angry that is currently rushing through my veins.  Patience.  It's coming.

Latley, I have been torturing myself by reading pregnancy bulletin boards.  Primarily, I just want to see what everyone else is going through.  What I have found are hundreds of pregnant women who are surrounding themselves with people who don't support them and their pregnancies with their words.  Quite the contrary!  Most of these women seem to be surrounded by negative and caustic assholes.

Assuming that these women are not just big balls of raging hormones. . . I have written this post as a cheatsheet to help those people in your life acclimate to your pregnancy.  Because everything in this world revolves around them.

1.  It is none of your business.  Why, when, how, if. . . none of it.  You get the information that the future parents decide to give you.  You are not entitled to every bit of information available.  When our forefathers mentioned "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness," they were not giving you auto-entitlement.  Read #3 for more on that.

2.  It is none of your business.  If you have been trusted with details regarding someone's pregnancy, you can rest assured it is for two reasons.  Either you are an important part of the couple's life or you are a perceived threat to their peace of mind.  If you are the former, make sure to keep confidences and keep your mouth shut.  If the couple wants everyone to know about their pregnancy, they will tell them.  If you are the latter, this post is not for you.  You are a lost cause.  Die in a fire.  (More with the burning?!$@)(*&#@)()

3.  It is none of your business.  To elaborate on #1. .  So, the girl who sits across the aisle from you at work is clearly pregnant.  Guess what.  She never has to confirm that for you.  You can bet that if she hasn't already said something to you, you don't rank high enough in her life to warrant tidings of the good news.  If you are at all intelligent, you should be able to surmise that if you weren't privvy to her pending baby, you certainly are not entitled to know if she will have the epidural, if she intends to breastfeed, if she will cosleep, how long it took her to get pregnant, if she has had miscarriages in the past.  Nothing.  YOU.  GET.  NOTHING.

4.  It is none of your business. 

5.  It is none of your business. 

. . . Need I say more?

P.S.  Eventually, I'll give you a list of snarky responses to help whip these offenders back to their own lives.  For now, stand-up and let them know that you are displeased.  We cannot correct behavior by assuming that the offenders know their offenses.