CHOO-CHOO!!!!

I lost my gallbladder, shortly after my final and worst gallbladder attack, on Easter Sunday, 2011.
Aftermath included scarring, hossing through the pain with no pain meds and shitting uncontrollably as a result of eating anything containing a little fat.

Yes.  The train was truly rolling down the tracks.

Now that I'm four months pregnant, I can tell you that progress has definitely slowed.  My body is slowing digestion to enable my parasite to get every bit of nutrition from the foods I intake.  Because of this, my train stalls.  Frequently.

Not one to be hindered by such . . . dearth in movement (just how many euphemisms can I come up with for clogged-up shitter?), I have devised a list of catalysts to help get my doggies a movin' (do I get points for the cowboy reference?)

1.  Pizza Rolls.  Sweet baby Moses in the reeds!  One box of Pizza Rolls (either Combination or Cheese) will get it going.  Folks, let's talk methodology here:  On a plate, place 1 paper towel.  Place each pizza roll on the towel.  Microwave for 2 minutes.  Then, flip the rolls and microwave 1 more minute.  Trust me.  This is the best way to get you to the church.

2.  Indian Food.  Specifically Chicken Tikka Masala and ANY korma.  Sure, if your pregnant nose can't handle the spice, this isn't for you.  Seriously.  It lingers.

3.  Taco Bell.  Isn't this true for everyone, though? 

Note that these are NOT healthy alternatives to Metamucil or whatever else your OB suggests.  These are for special moments.  When you are absolutely cranked and need a little something to get you through your day. 

Yes.  I just gave you permission to eat something horrendous.  It's for a good cause.  I can't help but think of the alternative when you become impacted and they have to send an intern on a stool fishing mission.  ;)