EARLY MORNING THREE ALARM FIRES

I dreamed of contractions that were viscerally strong enough to wake me at 5am.  Startled and out of breath, I stumbled to the bathroom for yet another pee break.  I didn't even have to turn on the light to know that something was wrong.  In just the faintest of early morning light, I could see there was darkness on the paper.

I didn't even notice the glaring, pupil tightening difference when I flipped on the light to discover a tissue full of blood.  Not one to completely lose my shit at 5am, I decided to wait it out and see what the news was around 6am.

At 630am, I woke up the Hub and let him know I was bleeding.  Do you know the silence that takes over an already quiet room when someone tells you that your baby is going to die?  This was pretty fucking close.

In two hours, the blood went from pink to a darker red.  Never RED BLOODY HELL RED.  But, redder than what "old blood" looks like.

Let's talk about this.  Colors and amounts.  Do you see blood in your panties?  Or, just when you wipe?  Do you feel a gush of fluid?  Or, are you just (oh LAWDY, don't say it!) moist?  There are fine lines.  Have you been laying down and then bleeding when you stand?  Have you been sitting up-right and just having a nominal flow?  Is the blood pink - like someone dribbled strawberry lemonade onto your white t-shirt?  Does it have a little darkness to it?  Is it BLOOD RED - like horror flick corn syrup?  Or, is it red with a bunch of brown mixed it (old blood)?  Is it rusty?  Are there clots - small or large?  How often are you changing your panty-liner?  Or, your pad?  Feel free to get descriptive, people!  Your OB needs to know details so that s/he can give you a good next step. 

I called the over-night exchange for my OB and told the responding doctor that while I knew there was no helping a miscarriage, I wanted to confirm it.  He understood and had me come to the office.

I have a tilted uterus.  At early stages of pregnancy, the uterus is still too small to flip forward.  So, I got to endure the lovely stabs of a giant trans-vaginal ultra-sound.  But, it was worth it.  The doctors identified the yolk sac and the fetal pole.  The heartbeat was visible - which is exactly what we wanted to see.  We will wait until 10 weeks to confirm HEARING the heartbeat - at which point, I think everyone will relax a little.

However, we learned that the pregnancy isn't as far along as we thought.  I calculated the expected due date by the start date of my last period.  However, due to use of an Ovulation Prediction Kit, I know I didn't ovulate until over three weeks after the start of said period.  Therefore, instead of 8w1d, I am currently estimated to be 6w3d.

I wish we were a little further along so that we could see the first trimester put to rest sooner, but, I'll knock over that hurdle when I see it.