ONLY WAY TO GO IS DOWN.

It has been a rough couple of days.

The Hub feels helpless because while he can complete menial tasks such as laundry and tidying our home, he can't help me physically with anything.  I am betting it is worse than the normal feeling that partners get during a pregnancy.  I am essentially a giant, brooding baby armed with curse words bigger than handfuls of poo.

In the beginning, we agreed that the only information that would be passed to parents would be specifically chosen.  Our respective jobs were to control the parental intrusions (read:  How is Suzi doing?  How is the baby doing?  How was your appointment?  What is going on!??!$?)

Someone didn't do his job.  And, he was lambasted for it.  And told he would be excluded from future OB appointments for his inability to keep his mouth shut.

This exclusion was not rescinded.  But, there was a 1am make-up conversation.

My ire may not be justifiable, but it is how I currently feel.  I find it akin to keeping parents out of the labor and delivery room.  Folks, I might not have much shame left in me, but I am perfectly happy to keep my Mum and my in-laws the fuck out of my junk.  As we get closer to delivery, I feel the same about my business.  Mama Bear is gaining momentum after a LONG winter's sleep.  The current plan is to take off out of town immediately after birth to avoid people.  Is that awful or what???

To top off all of this neurotic shit, we are slowly edging closer and closer to our Daughter's Day.  I'm sure this isn't helping anything - but we are aware of it and are think we are ready.

We stopped off at a baby store, after our appointment, and I nearly bought something.  Then,  I realized that I wasn't ready and we left.  Grieving for a lost infant takes a long time and impacts more than you would think.

As we get closer and closer to Mira's birthday, I feel like we are climbing the ladder of a giant slide.  It is scary, the higher we get and the more wobbly the platforms feel.  As we reach the precipice, we realize the awkwardness of trying to back down the ladder and the only way to go is down the slide.  Screaming and laughing through all of the terribleness.