Ladies. Let's be frank with one another. Stretch marks are hideous. Even if you luck into having the little ones that don't create purple canyons in your flesh, they aren't pretty.
Did you notice your ass? Does it have some new features on it? No? Mine, either. (blink)
Women have a way of putting a spin on things that supposedly help us remain positive. I want to be one of the first to say this: Stretch marks suck. They aren't the "marks of motherhood" Nor, are they some physically demonstrative exemplar of survival and pain.
No. No. No. Stretch marks are simply our skin's inability to grow fast enough with the parasite in our wombs. Hey! I thought we were being honest here?
I have them. Light ones that are "below crack level" on my ass. Then, I have some on the low-low part of my belly. Then, I have one on each side - like I just needed just two millimeters of additional skin on each side. That's it. But, I suspect, they will grow like the Grand Canyon - except that instead of millions of years, these pop up like surprise lilies. (Don't get that reference? Look it up. These also suck.)
The truth is - no one can really control stretch marks. There is no magic cream or elixir for this malady. Instead, you can blame your mother. Really. It's her fault for passing on your shitty skin genes. Go get her, tiger!
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