If you have been coming around for any length of time, you probably already know that I tend not to pull my punches. I appreciate straight talk - so it is what I dish out. Thanks for sticking it out. Really.
My child is now four weeks old and I can tell you that every minute with him has not been easy. From dealing with cluster feedings to changing what feels like 8,000 dirty diapers, I dare any new mother to say that it has been an pure pleasure. Go ahead. I'll wait while you lie to the rest of us.
I would like to present the following "shit mothers never talk about" in honor of all of the liars out there.
* I wasn't in love with my child from the moment he was born. I mean. . I loved him, but I wasn't enamored with him. You can blame the C-Section for the lack of endorphins - or other chemical release that trigger post-natal euphoria. We can even discuss the loss of my first child shortly after her birth. Whatever you think, I'm telling you I wasn't completely head over heels from the first moment of my child's life. And, I didn't feel guilty about it. And, from what I'm told, there are others - who haven't suffered a loss and who didn't have a C-Section. After three weeks, however, I found that all-consuming love. And, it is good.
* Often, a woman will try to tell me that I need to have another child so that this one "doesn't grow up alone." We will get into my retorts later, but for now, I want to say that often, these women justify their argument by saying that I will "forget all of the hardship and late night feedings and all of that." I'm pretty sure I won't forget living in bed for 11 weeks. I'm also pretty sure that my nipples will never forget the first days when my body stopped producing milk. Yes. I know that motherhood can be a tantamount experience, but I'm pretty sure that I won't be forgetting what I went through. Any idiot would be remiss to discard this pregnancy experience and hop into another. Argument = invalid.
* What is the worst thing that I have heard from mothers? "My body just loves being pregnant. I never felt better than when I was pregnant. . " Really? Perhaps they just "forgot." Or, they are lying. Does anyone really have the perfect pregnancy? You're telling me you didn't have morning sickness, hurty tits, tender gums, exhaustion, sore pelvis, stretch marks, wonky back, swollen feet, swollen hands, carpal tunnel, odd body hair, hair that fell out, brittle nails, yeast infections, bladder infections, gestational diabetes, anemia. . . really? Nothing? Okay. I'll take it. So, you had the perfect pregnancy. How about you learn some compassion and stop underhandedly bragging? If pregnancy is so great for you, want to carry mine?
* When I was still pregnant, I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to love this child as much as I loved my first. I talked with a friend of mine who has two living children and she responded that she had the same fear when she was pregnant with #2. She even spoke with her friends about the fear and they all responded negatively - "No, that never even crossed my mind. . . " or "Never!" Let's be honest here, people. It is normal to fear being able to love another person with the same gusto as the original. This goes for everyone - not just parents of a lost child. It is okay to have this fear! I was crying on the operating table before they cut into me and asking my husband if we would be able to love our son as much as we loved our daughter. Talk about a room-killer!
I suppose what I am trying to say with all of these things is that as a woman, I want to be supportive of my fellow mothers to be. We will never be perfect mothers. Just like we will never be perfect people. There is no right answer. It is okay to feel imperfect. It is okay to question ourselves. We should be okay to talk about these things. . . to have REAL TALK!
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