While I wait. . and wait. . and wait for this baby to make an appearance, I will fill you in on some of the moderate annoyances that have taken over my life. Today, I want to discuss the miracle and wonder that I call Nipple Crystals.
Remember those science experiment packs that your Great Aunt Tillie used to send in the mail when you were a kid? They might contain Sea Monkeys (Brine Shrimp that your Da would later feed to his fish) or an Ant Farm (which would eventually fail and free all detainees.) Then, there was the Grow Your Own Crystal packs. I'm pretty sure colored sugar and string made up the package and you just added water. Remember those brittle little crystals that eventually climbed out of the Tupperware bowl?
These crystals are the same. Except you don't need shit but a lactating boob and some dry air. It's a MIRACLE!
I'm not sure you know this, but there isn't just ONE tiny hole in your nipple. There are crevasses. Take a look one day. You will see what I'm talking about.
When you being to lactate (more prevalent during pregnancy when you were just pregnant), all of the liquid doesn't get sucked out of the nipple. Some of it stays and crystallizes. You probably wouldn't notice except that there is an unsettling feeling of itch (AND SODOM AND GOMORRAH) in your nipples. With a little fidgeting, you will produce a few tiny NIPPLE CRYSTALS. And they will look like they would hurt if stuck in your nipples.
They look a little like ground sea salt. I pretty sure they won't taste like it.
Friday, November 1, 2013
Monday, October 28, 2013
CANT STOP THE TRAIN. . . LET'S DITCH THE STITCH.
This morning, the Hub and I went to the OB. We made a pit stop in with the Ultrasound folks to take some baby measurements. Then, we went to get the cerclage removed.
As of today, our child is measuring enormously. It is likely that we have a 9lb baby. . . Or that the estimate is a pound over. I'm hoping for the latter.
So, let's talk cerclage removal. . .
With a McDonald cerclage, you are sedated when it is put in but it can typically be taken out in the doctor's office. But, it isn't always easy.
My OB had trouble finding the stitch for removal. Therefore, it was a bit pressurized as he was moving the speculum all over the place. . . (Are you sure you can't see my left lung?)
About 10 minutes later, it was removed and proved to be a bigger thing than I imagined. I wish I would have gotten a picture, but the discomfort was enough that I told the OB that I hated him. . . (But, I did not kick him in the face; so, that is a "win")
30 seconds later, I asked him to check me. To all of our surprise, he announced that I was 4 cm dilated. I guess the stitch did its job.
So, we picked up lunch and came home. I have no idea if I am contracting or if I am dilating more. For now, I am waiting for my water to break. Come and wait with me. At the casino. Today feels like my lucky day.
As of today, our child is measuring enormously. It is likely that we have a 9lb baby. . . Or that the estimate is a pound over. I'm hoping for the latter.
So, let's talk cerclage removal. . .
With a McDonald cerclage, you are sedated when it is put in but it can typically be taken out in the doctor's office. But, it isn't always easy.
My OB had trouble finding the stitch for removal. Therefore, it was a bit pressurized as he was moving the speculum all over the place. . . (Are you sure you can't see my left lung?)
About 10 minutes later, it was removed and proved to be a bigger thing than I imagined. I wish I would have gotten a picture, but the discomfort was enough that I told the OB that I hated him. . . (But, I did not kick him in the face; so, that is a "win")
30 seconds later, I asked him to check me. To all of our surprise, he announced that I was 4 cm dilated. I guess the stitch did its job.
So, we picked up lunch and came home. I have no idea if I am contracting or if I am dilating more. For now, I am waiting for my water to break. Come and wait with me. At the casino. Today feels like my lucky day.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
THIS ISN'T FOR US, IT IS FOR YOU.
I run my life by what I consider to be simple rules. They are gut-based and typically work out for me and those (I care about) around me. I want to share some scenarios with you so that you can make the right moves if confronted with similar situations. .
1. I do not believe that blood = family. This likely has most to do with the fact that I am adopted. But, it goes further. I believe that you choose your family. Or, at least, you should. To me, family is love. If I don't care about you on that level, then you aren't family to me. Your level of love is technically irrelevant, but I would hope reciprocated.
This all being stated, it is probably obvious to most that my Hub's family isn't necessarily a group of people that I automatically consider family. Sad, but true.
2. Children are a parent's way of disrupting an event and refocusing it on themselves. I am a firm believer that children do not belong at wedding ceremonies. Unconditionally, the parents will sit in close proximity to me and then neglect to get up and walk out when their child starts to fuss. They don't want to miss anything, but are completely disregarding that I might want to actually understood what is happening at the altar. On a smaller level, this also happens in restaurants and public places where a child can be openly disruptive.
Today, the Hub and I attended the wedding shower for one of his cousins. I happen to like her very much and was happy to have been invited. A relative showed with her child. The focus at our table was completely NOT on the bride-to-be. In my opinion, this is bullshit. Leave your fucking kid at home. Seriously. This event isn't about you.
3. Be aware. There are situations in this world where you will not always understand the choices of other people. To quote one of my favorite poems, "Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do and die"
If someone doesn't want to hold your baby, you should probably back off. This is probably more true when you are trying to force someone who lost their child shortly after birth. As my Hub's mother was insisting that my Hub hold his sister's infant, she kept repeating, "but you need practice. . . " I wanted to calmly respond with "I think the practice we got from holding our first child for two hours while she died was enough to prepare us for our second child." I'm also pretty sure she still wouldn't get it. None of them will. Ever. (Right now, at midnight, I am considering writing her an email. . so that I don't rip her a new asshole when I can no longer hold all of this in.)
But, it's not just us. The family continued to criticize another family member, who I happen to really like, for not wanting to hold the same child. I wanted to blurt out, "why would she want to hold a kid that she doesn't give two shits about?" Yeah. That didn't get to happen either.
Instead, I took it out on the Hub as we drove away. . . especially loud, after this next thing happened. . .
4. You do NOT get to choose to know when MY child is on his way into the world. In fact, if you get a call at all, you should be grateful. If I have to hear about your direction to call when labor begins every single fucking time I have to suffer your company, you won't get a fucking call at all. Seriously.
This, of course, is also akin to. .
5. If you have not been told about a baby registry, do not google it and then proceed to purchase items from it. I won't go into more specifics, but I will say that I am so irate over this and other things above that I will be spending the holidays (ALL OF THEM) with MY family and I will be taking my child with me. So far, the Hub is understanding and just biding time until WWIII begins.
Yeah. This has been one ugly rant. But, I think you should know these things. . so that you don't fuck up with someone like me.
1. I do not believe that blood = family. This likely has most to do with the fact that I am adopted. But, it goes further. I believe that you choose your family. Or, at least, you should. To me, family is love. If I don't care about you on that level, then you aren't family to me. Your level of love is technically irrelevant, but I would hope reciprocated.
This all being stated, it is probably obvious to most that my Hub's family isn't necessarily a group of people that I automatically consider family. Sad, but true.
2. Children are a parent's way of disrupting an event and refocusing it on themselves. I am a firm believer that children do not belong at wedding ceremonies. Unconditionally, the parents will sit in close proximity to me and then neglect to get up and walk out when their child starts to fuss. They don't want to miss anything, but are completely disregarding that I might want to actually understood what is happening at the altar. On a smaller level, this also happens in restaurants and public places where a child can be openly disruptive.
Today, the Hub and I attended the wedding shower for one of his cousins. I happen to like her very much and was happy to have been invited. A relative showed with her child. The focus at our table was completely NOT on the bride-to-be. In my opinion, this is bullshit. Leave your fucking kid at home. Seriously. This event isn't about you.
3. Be aware. There are situations in this world where you will not always understand the choices of other people. To quote one of my favorite poems, "Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do and die"
If someone doesn't want to hold your baby, you should probably back off. This is probably more true when you are trying to force someone who lost their child shortly after birth. As my Hub's mother was insisting that my Hub hold his sister's infant, she kept repeating, "but you need practice. . . " I wanted to calmly respond with "I think the practice we got from holding our first child for two hours while she died was enough to prepare us for our second child." I'm also pretty sure she still wouldn't get it. None of them will. Ever. (Right now, at midnight, I am considering writing her an email. . so that I don't rip her a new asshole when I can no longer hold all of this in.)
But, it's not just us. The family continued to criticize another family member, who I happen to really like, for not wanting to hold the same child. I wanted to blurt out, "why would she want to hold a kid that she doesn't give two shits about?" Yeah. That didn't get to happen either.
Instead, I took it out on the Hub as we drove away. . . especially loud, after this next thing happened. . .
4. You do NOT get to choose to know when MY child is on his way into the world. In fact, if you get a call at all, you should be grateful. If I have to hear about your direction to call when labor begins every single fucking time I have to suffer your company, you won't get a fucking call at all. Seriously.
This, of course, is also akin to. .
5. If you have not been told about a baby registry, do not google it and then proceed to purchase items from it. I won't go into more specifics, but I will say that I am so irate over this and other things above that I will be spending the holidays (ALL OF THEM) with MY family and I will be taking my child with me. So far, the Hub is understanding and just biding time until WWIII begins.
Yeah. This has been one ugly rant. But, I think you should know these things. . so that you don't fuck up with someone like me.
Monday, October 21, 2013
CONTRACTIONS.
I know a guy. He lives in Australia now, but he used to work at a bar with me. He is originally from Wisconsin. That's pronounced Wi-Scon-sin, for those of you who have never gone North. I loved listening to him talk. . likely because I spent some time "up there."
One thing in particular that dazzled me was the way that he pronounced his contractions.
Should + Not = Shouldn't (pronounced: Shunt)
Would + Not = Wouldn't (pronounced: Wunt)
. . . I asked him one day how he pronounced "couldn't" - this didn't end well.
But. . back to me.
My contractions are two to three minutes apart and straining on my cervix.
I have been monitoring them and they haven't increased in duration, frequency, or intensity.
My OB is aware.
I blame my return to work and the stress caused by trying to get my security clearance "turned back on."
I hope you are all having such a great day that you couldn't ask for better. =)
One thing in particular that dazzled me was the way that he pronounced his contractions.
Should + Not = Shouldn't (pronounced: Shunt)
Would + Not = Wouldn't (pronounced: Wunt)
. . . I asked him one day how he pronounced "couldn't" - this didn't end well.
But. . back to me.
My contractions are two to three minutes apart and straining on my cervix.
I have been monitoring them and they haven't increased in duration, frequency, or intensity.
My OB is aware.
I blame my return to work and the stress caused by trying to get my security clearance "turned back on."
I hope you are all having such a great day that you couldn't ask for better. =)
Sunday, October 20, 2013
LLAMA MAMA.
This post is TMI.
You should stop reading now.
To my memory, it has been since Thursday. Since Thursday. I haven't pooped a good poop since Thursday.
Instead, I have been pushing out a single lump of coal at every attempt and trying to feign satisfaction.
I have downed gallons of water and apple juice and handfuls of Colace. Nothing.
I made an emergency trip to Five Guys Burgers and Fries. Nothing.
I ate three pieces of Fried Chicken and some really greasy fried biscuits. . . .
And I was starting to consider getting "up in there" and manually assisting what shouldn't be this hard.
Then, I shit a llama.
And now, I'm much better.
I hope your Sunday is a beautiful one.
You should stop reading now.
To my memory, it has been since Thursday. Since Thursday. I haven't pooped a good poop since Thursday.
Instead, I have been pushing out a single lump of coal at every attempt and trying to feign satisfaction.
I have downed gallons of water and apple juice and handfuls of Colace. Nothing.
I made an emergency trip to Five Guys Burgers and Fries. Nothing.
I ate three pieces of Fried Chicken and some really greasy fried biscuits. . . .
And I was starting to consider getting "up in there" and manually assisting what shouldn't be this hard.
Then, I shit a llama.
And now, I'm much better.
I hope your Sunday is a beautiful one.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
HAP-PEE, HAP-PEE, HAP-PEE!
Do you ever get the feeling that if you don't "go" right now, you will die? How about racing to get to the bathroom only to find that you can't pee? That has been my life.
This morning, for example, I woke up feeling the urge and I limped (Pubic Bone Problems) to the bathroom as quickly as I could. I dropped trou and took a load off only to find that when I opened the flood gates, there was NO flood. In fact, it felt like the baby was leaning so hard into my groin, that he was cutting off all exit routes. Selfish baby!
So, I wiped (nothing), stood up, washed my hands and walked into the living room to complain to the Hub. Then, I walked back into the bathroom to try again (because I'm five and trying desperately to deserve my big girl Undies) - and LO! I peed. Like a fucking geyser. Sweet baby Moses! Let my sins be washed clean by the Niagara!!
Rest assured that I will repeat the exact process every time and as often as necessary.
In other news, I had an OB appointment on Friday. I do indeed have some severe pelvic pain. That will go away after birth. However, my cerclage is causing some problems. The pinching / stabbing feeling? Yeah. My stitch is straining. In fact, I am dilating and thinning. If I have a repeat of last Monday, we will remove the cerclage early and get ready for the big show. Otherwise, we will wait until the 28th as planned.
I'm not-so-secretly hoping for some labor to magically visit me before I return to work on Monday (for the first time in over 60 days.) This timing would prevent me from returning to work until 2014 and have me enjoying my holidays with my newly expanded family.
We have 36 hours to get this show on the road. . . cross your fingers. ;)
Oh! I think it's time for the Pee Ritual. . . NOW, cross your fingers!
This morning, for example, I woke up feeling the urge and I limped (Pubic Bone Problems) to the bathroom as quickly as I could. I dropped trou and took a load off only to find that when I opened the flood gates, there was NO flood. In fact, it felt like the baby was leaning so hard into my groin, that he was cutting off all exit routes. Selfish baby!
So, I wiped (nothing), stood up, washed my hands and walked into the living room to complain to the Hub. Then, I walked back into the bathroom to try again (because I'm five and trying desperately to deserve my big girl Undies) - and LO! I peed. Like a fucking geyser. Sweet baby Moses! Let my sins be washed clean by the Niagara!!
Rest assured that I will repeat the exact process every time and as often as necessary.
In other news, I had an OB appointment on Friday. I do indeed have some severe pelvic pain. That will go away after birth. However, my cerclage is causing some problems. The pinching / stabbing feeling? Yeah. My stitch is straining. In fact, I am dilating and thinning. If I have a repeat of last Monday, we will remove the cerclage early and get ready for the big show. Otherwise, we will wait until the 28th as planned.
I'm not-so-secretly hoping for some labor to magically visit me before I return to work on Monday (for the first time in over 60 days.) This timing would prevent me from returning to work until 2014 and have me enjoying my holidays with my newly expanded family.
We have 36 hours to get this show on the road. . . cross your fingers. ;)
Oh! I think it's time for the Pee Ritual. . . NOW, cross your fingers!
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
NO LIES.
I'm always honest with you guys. But, I just wanted the post title to emphasize that point (and This one:)
I want this fucking cerclage unstitched. I want it out of me. I'm finished with being stitched together like some kind of vaginal wonder woman.
This struck me especially hard today. I don't want to think about it every single second of every day and night.
Will it tear? Will my delicate lady parts be irrevocably damaged? If my baby wants to come now, isn't that alright? I know it's early, but if my body really wants him to come. . . shouldn't he?
Instead, I bite my tongue (at least until my appointment on Friday) and make some Shells and Cheese for lunch. Because, Shells and Cheese make everything better.
I want this fucking cerclage unstitched. I want it out of me. I'm finished with being stitched together like some kind of vaginal wonder woman.
This struck me especially hard today. I don't want to think about it every single second of every day and night.
Will it tear? Will my delicate lady parts be irrevocably damaged? If my baby wants to come now, isn't that alright? I know it's early, but if my body really wants him to come. . . shouldn't he?
Instead, I bite my tongue (at least until my appointment on Friday) and make some Shells and Cheese for lunch. Because, Shells and Cheese make everything better.
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