I guess you are wondering what is with the sudden spurt in posting. I promised to get back to blogging. And, though I know very few of you well enough to be held accountable, I will keep that promise.
While my hands have been kept too busy to type, I haven't lost track of a million things that I want to tell you. All of the shit that happens when you become unpregnant, stuff that happens when you have a Hub, a baby boy, a Miniature Schnauzer, and a cast of balls-to-the-wall friends and family, and you go back to work. . . It all makes for good story telling.
I'm sure you can guess that the focus of this blog won't be about pregnancy anymore. . . But, I'm pretty sure you are tired of that anyway. Two years of bitching and moaning doesn't make for good entertainment. Though, I'm not sure you came here for the laughs.
For now, welcome back to my life. I'm getting back to it and am happy to have you along for the ride.
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
FLUSHING MY PIPES
I bet you think you know me. You are wrong. This post isn't about poop. Nyah!
During pregnancy, all of my luxurious Asian hair grew longer and thicker every day. Two months after dropping my lovely load (I just had to sneak in a shit joke, right?) my hair started falling out like gangbusters.
I'm not talking about a few hairs here and there. I'm talking about giant handfuls and clumps of make-a-new-me amounts of hair. In the shower? I think it came out easier with conditioner. One night, it was so bad that I called the Hub into the bathroom to help gauge just how serious the hair loss had become. We ranked my affliction somewhere between obese Himalayan cat at the beginning of summer and chemotherapy. Yes. I just wrote that. And, it was.
So much shedding that I cleaned out my bathtub drain with one of these
several times. More impressive was the yield. We're talking about handfuls of knotted, mystery gunk filled, how the hell did water pass this shit, wads of hair that seemed to stretch on for days. I think I pulled some of those clumps back from the sewer main. Across the street.
Not only was my hair falling out in clumps, it was doing so UP FRONT, people! Suddenly, I knew the plight of every receding hairline! Ugh.
Google does wonders to calm you. . . If you read the right stuff. The right stuff in this case being: hair fall (there is a janky shampoo commercial out about this) ceases during pregnancy, often because a body expends energy on something else (like making a human) and can't waste it on regrowing hairs that naturally fall out. So, when you finally get back to normal, and are unpregnant, you body has some catching up to do (did we already discuss bleeding for weeks?). According to the intarwebz, normal hair growth and loss will return by the 12t month. That is a year. That is a long time to wait.
Lucky for me that the major loss has slowed and I am back to cleaning the air return registers only once a week. However, all of those hairs that fell out in groups are now growing back in. Let's just say that in a few months, I am going to look like a crackhead cut my bangs. Until then, I look like I have spiked fringe above my temples.
Ladies, remember to clean your drains. Your family will appreciate it.
During pregnancy, all of my luxurious Asian hair grew longer and thicker every day. Two months after dropping my lovely load (I just had to sneak in a shit joke, right?) my hair started falling out like gangbusters.
I'm not talking about a few hairs here and there. I'm talking about giant handfuls and clumps of make-a-new-me amounts of hair. In the shower? I think it came out easier with conditioner. One night, it was so bad that I called the Hub into the bathroom to help gauge just how serious the hair loss had become. We ranked my affliction somewhere between obese Himalayan cat at the beginning of summer and chemotherapy. Yes. I just wrote that. And, it was.
So much shedding that I cleaned out my bathtub drain with one of these
Not only was my hair falling out in clumps, it was doing so UP FRONT, people! Suddenly, I knew the plight of every receding hairline! Ugh.
Google does wonders to calm you. . . If you read the right stuff. The right stuff in this case being: hair fall (there is a janky shampoo commercial out about this) ceases during pregnancy, often because a body expends energy on something else (like making a human) and can't waste it on regrowing hairs that naturally fall out. So, when you finally get back to normal, and are unpregnant, you body has some catching up to do (did we already discuss bleeding for weeks?). According to the intarwebz, normal hair growth and loss will return by the 12t month. That is a year. That is a long time to wait.
Lucky for me that the major loss has slowed and I am back to cleaning the air return registers only once a week. However, all of those hairs that fell out in groups are now growing back in. Let's just say that in a few months, I am going to look like a crackhead cut my bangs. Until then, I look like I have spiked fringe above my temples.
Ladies, remember to clean your drains. Your family will appreciate it.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
CLUSTER (*@^$!!
Despite the fact that my child was born at a hefty 10lbs+, he is still an infant and prone to endure infantile things. Like growth spurts. What most folks don't know is that growth spurts bring with them an enormous need for additional food. When that food is produced by Mom, there are long days and nights with no sleep.
J is in his second round of Cluster Feedings. (Dun, Dun, DUN!) The first time around nearly killed my nipples (We will discuss this at length in a future post. All you ever want to know about nipple care will be addressed! Yay!) Now that we are suffering this parental nightmare again, I am pretty sure that my child with the man-sized hands and feet is going to start walking soon. College anyone?
Are you questioning my melodrama? Often, I will begin feeding with one boob. Then, after 15 to 20 minutes (I let him "milk" it) I will switch to the other. My starving child will hungrily suck down everything. And then, demand to return to the first boob to root around for more. This goes on for HOURS. Sometimes, he will fall asleep momentarily. Sometimes, I will, too. Not long enough, however, to get rested.
While I dislike the idea of supplementing with formula (GASP!) I am completely willing to do it - if only to get a little bit of sleep. Constant feedings annihilate my ability to pump excess. In essence, there is NO excess. (We blew through the breast milk bottles that I had accumulated in just the first day of this terror.) Therefore, the only way for the Hub to assist with a feed is to mix up a lovely batch of formula. We don't replace breast milk with formula all day long. Once or twice is all I need to get just a little shut eye.
Oddly, even with the above argument sounding logical and true, the scenario is the perfect storm for what I call the Guilt Formula. . . (I know. I'm SO pun-ny!) so I have to take it a bit further.
I have to give my baby a bottle of formula every now and then so that I can remain somewhat physically (and mentally) stable. With just a little bit of rest, I can pump an extra bottle of breast milk for reserve and hopefully eliminate the formula need altogether. With just a little bit of rest, I am able to breast feed for hours on end without passing out and crushing my child. (Yeah. That's a little extreme, but seriously, worst case scenario, people!) So, really, in order to get through this growth spurt, I think a couple bottles of the Devil are A - Okay. (Not really, but it is a plan. . . and with so little sleep, it's the best one I have!)
J is in his second round of Cluster Feedings. (Dun, Dun, DUN!) The first time around nearly killed my nipples (We will discuss this at length in a future post. All you ever want to know about nipple care will be addressed! Yay!) Now that we are suffering this parental nightmare again, I am pretty sure that my child with the man-sized hands and feet is going to start walking soon. College anyone?
Are you questioning my melodrama? Often, I will begin feeding with one boob. Then, after 15 to 20 minutes (I let him "milk" it) I will switch to the other. My starving child will hungrily suck down everything. And then, demand to return to the first boob to root around for more. This goes on for HOURS. Sometimes, he will fall asleep momentarily. Sometimes, I will, too. Not long enough, however, to get rested.
While I dislike the idea of supplementing with formula (GASP!) I am completely willing to do it - if only to get a little bit of sleep. Constant feedings annihilate my ability to pump excess. In essence, there is NO excess. (We blew through the breast milk bottles that I had accumulated in just the first day of this terror.) Therefore, the only way for the Hub to assist with a feed is to mix up a lovely batch of formula. We don't replace breast milk with formula all day long. Once or twice is all I need to get just a little shut eye.
Oddly, even with the above argument sounding logical and true, the scenario is the perfect storm for what I call the Guilt Formula. . . (I know. I'm SO pun-ny!) so I have to take it a bit further.
I have to give my baby a bottle of formula every now and then so that I can remain somewhat physically (and mentally) stable. With just a little bit of rest, I can pump an extra bottle of breast milk for reserve and hopefully eliminate the formula need altogether. With just a little bit of rest, I am able to breast feed for hours on end without passing out and crushing my child. (Yeah. That's a little extreme, but seriously, worst case scenario, people!) So, really, in order to get through this growth spurt, I think a couple bottles of the Devil are A - Okay. (Not really, but it is a plan. . . and with so little sleep, it's the best one I have!)
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
REAL TALK.
If you have been coming around for any length of time, you probably already know that I tend not to pull my punches. I appreciate straight talk - so it is what I dish out. Thanks for sticking it out. Really.
My child is now four weeks old and I can tell you that every minute with him has not been easy. From dealing with cluster feedings to changing what feels like 8,000 dirty diapers, I dare any new mother to say that it has been an pure pleasure. Go ahead. I'll wait while you lie to the rest of us.
I would like to present the following "shit mothers never talk about" in honor of all of the liars out there.
* I wasn't in love with my child from the moment he was born. I mean. . I loved him, but I wasn't enamored with him. You can blame the C-Section for the lack of endorphins - or other chemical release that trigger post-natal euphoria. We can even discuss the loss of my first child shortly after her birth. Whatever you think, I'm telling you I wasn't completely head over heels from the first moment of my child's life. And, I didn't feel guilty about it. And, from what I'm told, there are others - who haven't suffered a loss and who didn't have a C-Section. After three weeks, however, I found that all-consuming love. And, it is good.
* Often, a woman will try to tell me that I need to have another child so that this one "doesn't grow up alone." We will get into my retorts later, but for now, I want to say that often, these women justify their argument by saying that I will "forget all of the hardship and late night feedings and all of that." I'm pretty sure I won't forget living in bed for 11 weeks. I'm also pretty sure that my nipples will never forget the first days when my body stopped producing milk. Yes. I know that motherhood can be a tantamount experience, but I'm pretty sure that I won't be forgetting what I went through. Any idiot would be remiss to discard this pregnancy experience and hop into another. Argument = invalid.
* What is the worst thing that I have heard from mothers? "My body just loves being pregnant. I never felt better than when I was pregnant. . " Really? Perhaps they just "forgot." Or, they are lying. Does anyone really have the perfect pregnancy? You're telling me you didn't have morning sickness, hurty tits, tender gums, exhaustion, sore pelvis, stretch marks, wonky back, swollen feet, swollen hands, carpal tunnel, odd body hair, hair that fell out, brittle nails, yeast infections, bladder infections, gestational diabetes, anemia. . . really? Nothing? Okay. I'll take it. So, you had the perfect pregnancy. How about you learn some compassion and stop underhandedly bragging? If pregnancy is so great for you, want to carry mine?
* When I was still pregnant, I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to love this child as much as I loved my first. I talked with a friend of mine who has two living children and she responded that she had the same fear when she was pregnant with #2. She even spoke with her friends about the fear and they all responded negatively - "No, that never even crossed my mind. . . " or "Never!" Let's be honest here, people. It is normal to fear being able to love another person with the same gusto as the original. This goes for everyone - not just parents of a lost child. It is okay to have this fear! I was crying on the operating table before they cut into me and asking my husband if we would be able to love our son as much as we loved our daughter. Talk about a room-killer!
I suppose what I am trying to say with all of these things is that as a woman, I want to be supportive of my fellow mothers to be. We will never be perfect mothers. Just like we will never be perfect people. There is no right answer. It is okay to feel imperfect. It is okay to question ourselves. We should be okay to talk about these things. . . to have REAL TALK!
My child is now four weeks old and I can tell you that every minute with him has not been easy. From dealing with cluster feedings to changing what feels like 8,000 dirty diapers, I dare any new mother to say that it has been an pure pleasure. Go ahead. I'll wait while you lie to the rest of us.
I would like to present the following "shit mothers never talk about" in honor of all of the liars out there.
* I wasn't in love with my child from the moment he was born. I mean. . I loved him, but I wasn't enamored with him. You can blame the C-Section for the lack of endorphins - or other chemical release that trigger post-natal euphoria. We can even discuss the loss of my first child shortly after her birth. Whatever you think, I'm telling you I wasn't completely head over heels from the first moment of my child's life. And, I didn't feel guilty about it. And, from what I'm told, there are others - who haven't suffered a loss and who didn't have a C-Section. After three weeks, however, I found that all-consuming love. And, it is good.
* Often, a woman will try to tell me that I need to have another child so that this one "doesn't grow up alone." We will get into my retorts later, but for now, I want to say that often, these women justify their argument by saying that I will "forget all of the hardship and late night feedings and all of that." I'm pretty sure I won't forget living in bed for 11 weeks. I'm also pretty sure that my nipples will never forget the first days when my body stopped producing milk. Yes. I know that motherhood can be a tantamount experience, but I'm pretty sure that I won't be forgetting what I went through. Any idiot would be remiss to discard this pregnancy experience and hop into another. Argument = invalid.
* What is the worst thing that I have heard from mothers? "My body just loves being pregnant. I never felt better than when I was pregnant. . " Really? Perhaps they just "forgot." Or, they are lying. Does anyone really have the perfect pregnancy? You're telling me you didn't have morning sickness, hurty tits, tender gums, exhaustion, sore pelvis, stretch marks, wonky back, swollen feet, swollen hands, carpal tunnel, odd body hair, hair that fell out, brittle nails, yeast infections, bladder infections, gestational diabetes, anemia. . . really? Nothing? Okay. I'll take it. So, you had the perfect pregnancy. How about you learn some compassion and stop underhandedly bragging? If pregnancy is so great for you, want to carry mine?
* When I was still pregnant, I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to love this child as much as I loved my first. I talked with a friend of mine who has two living children and she responded that she had the same fear when she was pregnant with #2. She even spoke with her friends about the fear and they all responded negatively - "No, that never even crossed my mind. . . " or "Never!" Let's be honest here, people. It is normal to fear being able to love another person with the same gusto as the original. This goes for everyone - not just parents of a lost child. It is okay to have this fear! I was crying on the operating table before they cut into me and asking my husband if we would be able to love our son as much as we loved our daughter. Talk about a room-killer!
I suppose what I am trying to say with all of these things is that as a woman, I want to be supportive of my fellow mothers to be. We will never be perfect mothers. Just like we will never be perfect people. There is no right answer. It is okay to feel imperfect. It is okay to question ourselves. We should be okay to talk about these things. . . to have REAL TALK!
Sunday, December 15, 2013
GETTING INTO THE FLOW OF THINGS.
Let's talk about something gross (because the rest of this blog has been "gross-free", right?)
Lochia. Because you didn't really miss your period. You just saved it up all year for now. And Mother Nature is pissed. So pissed, in fact, that mesh panties and ginormous pads of mattress proportions are necessary.
My child is four weeks old. This means that I have been bleeding for. . . (yup, you guessed it) . . four weeks. And, it ain't all sunshine and roses.
In the beginning, there were chicken livers. Yeah. Think about that. Chicken livers of my own body's making. And they were escaping. ESCAPING.
There were times when I changed my hospital pad (Think 14" x 20" - or some other enormous measurement) 10 times a day just to keep clean. Because, let me tell you, that little squirt bottle does wonders for cleansing - but, only while it's squirting.
About a week in, I downgraded to an ultra thin overnight pad with wings. I'm getting as specific as I can without naming brands. The Hub was sent on a mission one night to procure some of these and in an effort to NOT have to return to the store for them, bought two jumbo packs and managed to amuse the cashier and the bagger girl. That's funnier to me than the Chicken Livers running for their lives through my vagina. (Throwback!)
In the beginning, the bright redness is daunting. Then, it tones down to darker red. . . to rust. . . to brown. Eventually, it's just darker discharge. Then, it ceases to exist. Eventually.
With my first pregnancy, I had a full six weeks of this shit. With any luck, this time is about over. But, as your OB may likely tell you, it may stop and then start again. Nice. Reliable body.
Lochia. Because you didn't really miss your period. You just saved it up all year for now. And Mother Nature is pissed. So pissed, in fact, that mesh panties and ginormous pads of mattress proportions are necessary.
My child is four weeks old. This means that I have been bleeding for. . . (yup, you guessed it) . . four weeks. And, it ain't all sunshine and roses.
In the beginning, there were chicken livers. Yeah. Think about that. Chicken livers of my own body's making. And they were escaping. ESCAPING.
There were times when I changed my hospital pad (Think 14" x 20" - or some other enormous measurement) 10 times a day just to keep clean. Because, let me tell you, that little squirt bottle does wonders for cleansing - but, only while it's squirting.
About a week in, I downgraded to an ultra thin overnight pad with wings. I'm getting as specific as I can without naming brands. The Hub was sent on a mission one night to procure some of these and in an effort to NOT have to return to the store for them, bought two jumbo packs and managed to amuse the cashier and the bagger girl. That's funnier to me than the Chicken Livers running for their lives through my vagina. (Throwback!)
In the beginning, the bright redness is daunting. Then, it tones down to darker red. . . to rust. . . to brown. Eventually, it's just darker discharge. Then, it ceases to exist. Eventually.
With my first pregnancy, I had a full six weeks of this shit. With any luck, this time is about over. But, as your OB may likely tell you, it may stop and then start again. Nice. Reliable body.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
RANDOM MEMORIES.
I sat up in bed when I remembered this little gem from the OR:
Me (still behind the curtain): Is something burning?
Doctors: - - -
Me: Oh. It's me, isn't it?
Doctors: - - -
Me: You are cauterizing something, right?
Yeah. That isn't a good smell. My own burning flesh. I can't wait to bring this up in my follow-up appointment on Monday.
Me (still behind the curtain): Is something burning?
Doctors: - - -
Me: Oh. It's me, isn't it?
Doctors: - - -
Me: You are cauterizing something, right?
Yeah. That isn't a good smell. My own burning flesh. I can't wait to bring this up in my follow-up appointment on Monday.
CATASTROPHE ON THE FRONT END.
Someone forgot to tell me that when you have been on Pitocin for 30 hours, you will swell. I'm not just talking about having to remove your wedding band (though, for me, this occurred early on in the pregnancy.) I'm talking about looking like I was wearing a fat suit that I couldn't take off for six days. Like "can't I just slit my skin open to relieve some of this pressure?" Or, "I think I saw this episode of The Half Ton Woman on TV!"
My feet, legs and hips were swollen to proportions twice their normal size! I won't even get into the puffy space below my bellybutton. . .
The worst part of this, however, wasn't the humongous feeling or even the pain associated with the skin tightening. . . it was the fact that my milk wasn't coming in. The goods that existed prior to labor and shortly after were all dried up! My child was going to starve, people!
So, while we waited, we supplemented with formula. I think I just heard 1,000,000 Leche League Moms groan and gasp! Seriously, I had NO milk. Nobody warned us of this - they just kept telling me that it was fine and that my child wasn't starving. Really? How many days without sustenance can a newborn go? Five? Six? Right.
It was actually the pediatrician that gave the best advice. We saw him the Saturday after birth (on Monday.) He told me that the pump wasn't going to be able to reap milk like the baby, so not to rely on what the pump was able to get. Instead, continue to let the baby attempt to feed at the breast and then supplement with formula after. He was sure that with the recession of swelling, my milk would indeed come in. And, he was right.
By the next Monday (1 week out, for those of you playing along at home), I was able to feed more from the breast and supplement less. The day after that, I was able to eliminate the formula completely. I am proud to say that we have been a Mom's Diner household ever since. I'm even pumping excess so that the Hub can bond during feeding.
So. . to those of you who found this post because your milk has yet to come in - do not get discouraged. The drugs will wear off for you as well and your body will return to responding in kind. Don't listen to the hype about nipple confusion, formula being the Devil, or anything anyone else has to say. Your kid will eat at Mom's when s/he can and until then, you will do the best that you can with what you have. .
In the words of one of my favorite shower gifts (Thanks, Aunt Tatie!): "My Mom Doesn't Want Your Advice"
My feet, legs and hips were swollen to proportions twice their normal size! I won't even get into the puffy space below my bellybutton. . .
The worst part of this, however, wasn't the humongous feeling or even the pain associated with the skin tightening. . . it was the fact that my milk wasn't coming in. The goods that existed prior to labor and shortly after were all dried up! My child was going to starve, people!
So, while we waited, we supplemented with formula. I think I just heard 1,000,000 Leche League Moms groan and gasp! Seriously, I had NO milk. Nobody warned us of this - they just kept telling me that it was fine and that my child wasn't starving. Really? How many days without sustenance can a newborn go? Five? Six? Right.
It was actually the pediatrician that gave the best advice. We saw him the Saturday after birth (on Monday.) He told me that the pump wasn't going to be able to reap milk like the baby, so not to rely on what the pump was able to get. Instead, continue to let the baby attempt to feed at the breast and then supplement with formula after. He was sure that with the recession of swelling, my milk would indeed come in. And, he was right.
By the next Monday (1 week out, for those of you playing along at home), I was able to feed more from the breast and supplement less. The day after that, I was able to eliminate the formula completely. I am proud to say that we have been a Mom's Diner household ever since. I'm even pumping excess so that the Hub can bond during feeding.
So. . to those of you who found this post because your milk has yet to come in - do not get discouraged. The drugs will wear off for you as well and your body will return to responding in kind. Don't listen to the hype about nipple confusion, formula being the Devil, or anything anyone else has to say. Your kid will eat at Mom's when s/he can and until then, you will do the best that you can with what you have. .
In the words of one of my favorite shower gifts (Thanks, Aunt Tatie!): "My Mom Doesn't Want Your Advice"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)