THIS ISN'T FOR US, IT IS FOR YOU.

I run my life by what I consider to be simple rules.  They are gut-based and typically work out for me and those (I care about) around me.  I want to share some scenarios with you so that you can make the right moves if confronted with similar situations. .

1.  I do not believe that blood = family.  This likely has most to do with the fact that I am adopted.  But, it goes further.  I believe that you choose your family.  Or, at least, you should.  To me, family is love.  If I don't care about you on that level, then you aren't family to me.  Your level of love is technically irrelevant, but I would hope reciprocated.

This all being stated, it is probably obvious to most that my Hub's family isn't necessarily a group of people that I automatically consider family.  Sad, but true.

2.  Children are a parent's way of disrupting an event and refocusing it on themselves.  I am a firm believer that children do not belong at wedding ceremonies.  Unconditionally, the parents will sit in close proximity to me and then neglect to get up and walk out when their child starts to fuss.  They don't want to miss anything, but are completely disregarding that I might want to actually understood what is happening at the altar.  On a smaller level, this also happens in restaurants and public places where a child can be openly disruptive.

Today, the Hub and I attended the wedding shower for one of his cousins.  I happen to like her very much and was happy to have been invited.  A relative showed with her child.  The focus at our table was completely NOT on the bride-to-be.  In my opinion, this is bullshit.  Leave your fucking kid at home.  Seriously.  This event isn't about you.

3.  Be aware.  There are situations in this world where you will not always understand the choices of other people.  To quote one of my favorite poems, "Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do and die"

If someone doesn't want to hold your baby, you should probably back off.  This is probably more true when you are trying to force someone who lost their child shortly after birth.  As my Hub's mother was insisting that my Hub hold his sister's infant, she kept repeating, "but you need practice. . . "  I wanted to calmly respond with "I think the practice we got from holding our first child for two hours while she died was enough to prepare us for our second child."  I'm also pretty sure she still wouldn't get it.  None of them will.  Ever.  (Right now, at midnight, I am considering writing her an email. . so that I don't rip her a new asshole when I can no longer hold all of this in.)

But, it's not just us.  The family continued to criticize another family member, who I happen to really like, for not wanting to hold the same child.  I wanted to blurt out, "why would she want to hold a kid that she doesn't give two shits about?"  Yeah.  That didn't get to happen either.

Instead, I took it out on the Hub as we drove away. . . especially loud, after this next thing happened. . .

4.  You do NOT get to choose to know when MY child is on his way into the world.  In fact, if you get a call at all, you should be grateful.  If I have to hear about your direction to call when labor begins every single fucking time I have to suffer your company, you won't get a fucking call at all.  Seriously.

This, of course, is also akin to. .

5.  If you have not been told about a baby registry, do not google it and then proceed to purchase items from it.  I won't go into more specifics, but I will say that I am so irate over this and other things above that I will be spending the holidays (ALL OF THEM) with MY family and I will be taking my child with me.  So far, the Hub is understanding and just biding time until WWIII begins.

Yeah.  This has been one ugly rant.  But, I think you should know these things. . so that you don't fuck up with someone like me.